la mia vita

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
’Cause I can’t continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times.
My memory is cruel
I’m queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I’d heard him say it
ten thousand times
If only I had been listening.

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
I thought I was ready to bleed
That we’d move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all.
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He’d already left with the other.
So I’ve learned to listen through silence.

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I’ll talk until the conversation doesn’t stay on
Wait for me I’m almost ready
When he meant let go.

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines.

2007

random thoughts of the year

- lost 15 lbs
- went to Salzburg
- Jose, Richard, Steven
- grandfather passed away
- julie got married
- graduated
- did not go to grad school
- moved to nyc

2008

Resolutions:
- continue to lose weight
- cook at home more often
- manage money better
- practice everyday
- call my dad everyday


changes:
patience and understanding for my family, try not to gossip as much, spend more time with my brother, learn how to walk away (some people aren't worth my energy)

goals:
get into grad school
lose 30 lbs
be in a healthy relationship

And i miss you more than i should, than i thought i could,
i cant get my mind off of you.
and i hate the phone, but i wish you'd call

I hate the feeling of your heart almost leaping out of your chest. It's so uncomfortable. It happens everytime he calls. It's weird. The first week, I was sad with my self, the second I actually didn't think much about him at all - we talked on the phone every other day and it was good. comfortable. Now 3 weeks has gone by and it isn't until now that I miss him. WHY! haha. Maybe it's the stress.. it's making me weak. ha. I was just sitting here with Sarah at the library when he called - wanted to know if he could stop by apt, hang out a bit, order in. gah. Maybe i'm not ready to be friends with him. I didn't think I liked him still. I'm hoping that I just miss the idea of him being interested, as opposed to me actually missing him, the person. or that ridiculous? ha. I'm rambling. this is what i do when i'm nervous.

So what is it today?? Monday night.

Ok, so backing up to Sunday. I was able to sleep in until 10:30!! that's 4 hours later than I have been waking up at. Anyway, I didn't have any rehearsals or coachings, but I decided to go into the conservatory with the other girls staying in the dorms so that I could practice. While they had their rehearsals,
me and my friend Joey went to a tea house! It was phenomenal. I thought it was a middle eastern furniture store at
first because all you see is plush floor pillow and colorful tapestries and huge couches. At the end of the store, there were over 100 flavors of tea. We split a big pot of licorice tea. I've been so into it lately. We got little cookies and chatted. i love this place! I love that tea is the equivalent of a coffee house back home! Anyway, afterwards, our friend Catherine took a bunch of us out of towners around the island. We toured for a good 6 hours. It's so beautiful here. I can't take it. Our last stop was on top of this mountain, that gives you a great view of the whole island and we watched some fireworks in a bay at a distance. They are teasing me and telling me that tomorrow night, we can go back on the mountain and see if we can see across the water to Washington State.. maybe we'll be able to see the fireworks from there for 4th of july!

We had our first day of masterclasses today (Monday). Therewere 2 2 1/2 hour masterclasses, one at 2 and the other at 7. There are some great singers here! Wow. That, plus a lesson, a coaching and an hour movement class.. goddamn I'm tired. I don't see myself getting more time to sightsee anytime soon, so i'm glad I had this past week to see the sights.. because it looks like i'll be spending 12 hours straight at the conservatory from here on out.

Tomorrow, I sing in Joan's masterclass at 2 pm. I'm nervous and excited. I feel confident about the way I've been singing lately, so I hope that I do well tomorrow.

I need to get to bed if I'm going to survive tomorrow. Much love.

( Some Pictures )

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE WORLD CUP:






That's right - Dolce & Gabbana's fall underwear line in being modeled by the 2006 Italian soccer team. hell yes. Oh yea.. I had to throw Beckham in. He's too hot.

SO basically, that's what I've been up to since last Friday. 3 games a day! I've pretty much lived at Fado, made friends with regulars. Weird.

Oh yea, I moved. 1324 Locust Street to be exact. I'm in the middle of it all and adore it. I live in a cute little studio and I love it. It gets a little quiet sometimes. Sometimes, I'm amazed at how well I can distract myself from getting anything really done.

What else? Um. I love sudoku. Jenny's coming to visit on Friday. I leave for Victoria in 2 1/2 weeks. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss Moe Moe. Ok.

I should be writing a paperright now. I only have 2 pages left.. why oh why am I on here?! Alright. Til next time.

Martita

Free benefit concert. Donations go towards victims of the recent natural disasters and Dana Farber.

Saturday, November 26th.

Doors at 530

Layhill at 6

Nick at 7

ZIA!!! at 8


*Take 495 to Connecticut Ave (towards Kensington, left on the exit ramp)

*Turn left onto Plyers Mill Road (fire station will be on the right)

*Go past the FD and park in the neighborhood (you'll see a no outlet sign, turn right)


bring your friends.






... or yeah. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

how do i make all my entries friends-only without going to every.single.entry?

<3 me

if only opened minds didnt come with opened mouths

this was a bumper sticker on a car that i saw on the way to school this morning. it made me think... "what kind of person is that? what are his beliefs? is he passionate or is he one of those people that just says/does things for the sole purpose of getting a reaction?" this in turn led me to another tangent in my mind.. a few nights ago this guy from school had an away message up that read: brushing the aids out of my mouth. when i read that, i again sat there looking at my computer wondering why the hell he would have that up, of all things, for all to see. it was sick. not even funny. i guess i got fired up because this guy is really disgusting.. hooks up with any guy that walks and even makes it his mission to sleep with other people's beaus. sick. then i realized how upset i was getting and thought that someone so ignorant wasnt worth even caring about. its just time wasted getting worked up over something that in the scheme of things doesnt matter. my tangent was interrupted by me almost getting hit my a car. my eyes hadnt left that bumper sticker. as i approached the car even more i noticed he had much smaller stickers on there too. there was an hrc sticker.. a cross.. and then a sticker that read: tolerance is the key. it made me smile. i started to go on another tangent on how he could be the victim of discrimination of what things he could have gone through.. and i just stopped. sometimes, i just think too much. he could have just been a joe-schmoe. an average guy that saw that bumper sticker and liked it. i had forgotten all about it until i got on lj and read through my friends page. i disagreed and agreed with a lot with what was said. Either way, whatever your views or beliefs or what not, i'm glad that people actually care to have their minds so heavily involved with things like that. i was chatting with friends over dinner, all of us of age to vote, and some people hadnt even registered.. some had no idea who was running. i'll admit, i didnt know much before the primaries, but once my dad mailed my absentee ballot to my apt, i made it a point to research things because it is important. hundreds of thousands of Americans dont vote.. dont voice their opinion.. most of them being in my age range. so whichever candidate you want to see as your president, make sure to vote.

woah that was so incoherent. haha. oh well. im in such a space cadet sort of mood.

so today i sang in studio. i hadnt sung for the girls in a while so it was kinda of exciting.. but fuckin nerve-wrecking as hell. oddly enough, my nerves gave me that extra buoyancy my voice needed to sing Bizet. lol. i really love the girls in my studio. they're only voice students i'm friends with. mainly, because the perf majors are pretty scarce during the day so i dont see em.. but also because the few that i've met are on this high horse that i dont bother to ever be around. im probably the most insecure singer at school.. but i would never let anyone of the others know.. its brutal almost. haha. you gotta have a thick skin and thats what Randi said from the start. She told us: "I give you exactly 1 month to get rid of that naive ego. You were all the best from wherever you came from.. if you werent, you wouldnt be here. However, I will not tolerate it. I will not have my studio resort to the sterotype of stuck up singers. Plus, i need to teach you now that its a small world where theres absolutely no room for egos. I give you 1 month to adjust. From then on, we'll work on building a much need thick skin you need to survive in this world of ours. you will torn apart again and again by people, but you need to learn how to filter out what you want out of the critcisms and take nothing personally. No one said it would be easy." I love Randi. Shes the greatest teacher is so many ways. im very lucky.

i gotta get going with some homework. that, and laundry.. i hate doing laundry more than anything. grrr.

much love.

martita

HI this is Tammy on Martita's journal and I am drunk but i CAN still type b/c I fucking rule!!! Martita is so nice aND i dont know why i was ever mean to her she is my popstar souklmate!!!!!

( thoughts on pop )

It's was snowing hardcore until a few minutes ago. Why?!?! Spring starts this weekend.. it should not be snowing! anyhow, dance_to_this helped me out with a new lj layout. wahoo. American Idol is finally starting tonight. This is when it gets good. I'm stoaked. I'm gonna get back to homework. Much love.

god, its so beautiful out. im blasting Guster.. have the windows all opened and no one's homeeeee... atleast for now. im grateful for days like today. my teacher let gave me an A on the midterm i missed.. he replaced it with a weekly homework assignment since theyre basically the same thing. he rocks. and ----- U of Cincinnati just called to inform me that i was gonna get my acceptance letter into the opera theatre program later this week. wahoo. my parents can finally lay off my back about the damn plane tickets. im really going. oh my god i just got really excited. oh yea, i cut my ( hair... )

God i cant believe spring break flew right by. I feel like i did a lot.. but nothing at the same time. hmph. I dont want to leave home.. my mom.. my cat.. my friends.. home. Then again, the more i come home, the more i feel like i'm visiting and like it's not home anymore. maybe its because elements are missing.. or things have changed.. ive changed.. its all too intertwined to separate, but argh. i wish i could freeze time. if only i was an xmen..

tonight was really nice. i opted to stay in Rockville and have dinner with kids I had barely seen all break: emily, amanda, david and andy. Andy had ODed on benadryl or something or other.. emily and amanda had better things to do, so after a scrumptious dinner at Ruby's, David and I headed to blockbuster to pick out our featured film. It felt like summer. It was so nice to just put on a movie and just cuddle and talk and relax. Really.. he's one person where i can just be. i can do nothing at all or have our night planned out to the T.. and i know that i'll enjoy myself no matter what. oh davey. its weird how much he reminds of josh too. our relationships are very similar in the way we compliment ourselves. either way, "Mona Lisa Smile" was so cute. I actually really liked it. Its a feel good type of movie. Im glad i rented it.

Earlier today, i was driving past whs.. it was 1:47.. and i figured, i would just stop in to say "hi" to Ings and leave. I was there till 3 talking with her. I had forgotten how great it is to talk to her. Oh senior year. well, i mean there were interuptions i.e. Matt Kopp and some girl that kept following her around.. i dunno.. but we just chatted and caught up. She puts things very into perspective for me and i love it.

Geeeez i dont wanna go back to school. i have to go back to hours of homework and studying. practicing. roommates. kimmel center. studio recital. choir concert. finding a place to live in the fall. am i going to lucca? going back to a place that sometimes feels so absolutely trivial. dont get me wrong, i <3 my friends at TU so much. they're incredible and complete me while im at school. theyre amazing. i just feel like theres so much going on back home. with family.. and friends.. smack in the face of reality. i feel like at school its so easy to live the semester with blinders on. its easy to going without a worry about whats going on around our lil bubble.

i dunno i need to do something. maybe i wont go to lucca. maybe i'll take a year off from school. maybe i'll back pack through asia. and then maybe i'll do something as small as joining a club at school. ha ha. getting a job. who knows. something needs to give me a lil push.. a lil motivation to get through my day. someting that wont let me take things for granted anymore.

on that note, im gonna fall asleep to scary stories 3. i bought that from scholastic news in like 4th grade. i really liked those.. even though i got mostly bookmarks and stickers.. never books. ha. anyhow. much love

martita

My spring break hasnt been anything special but its just what i needed. down time.. a lot of it.. and being surrounded by my friends. Its amazing.

Im in such a weird mood right now. I feel drained. Maybe its because i just saw "Passion". It was way too overwhelming. I couldn't watch the screen half the time and when i did, i was bawling. Ay. I mean, i guess it was a good movie.. but i didnt enjoy seeing it.

so day in a nutshell:

1. Kathy's being amazing
2. only see "Passion" if you handle gore well
3. Panera, to go, is messy
4. i fuckin hate misunderstandings
5. i cant wait to see who the last additions to the TOP 12 will be on AI

much love.

martita

( i cant believe i met her... )

Anna's Words

but point blank, here it is. I believe that every person regardless of race, color, sex, sexual preference and whatever else they're different for, deserves the same rights as everybody else. The thing is, the word marriage needs to be clarified. Im not positive if it's an all around Christian thing, but as far as Catholicism goes, marriage is the sacrament of joining man and wife, from them obviously to live in love, but to mainly procreate. I don't doubt for any gay person to lack the ability to love. I don't think they should be denied an everlasting relationship of love and family. That's not what I'm saying at all. I believe that homosexual couples should be able to have a union, just like all of us, from them to have an official declaration of internal love. Bush is implying that they shouldn't be "allowed" to be given anything regarding 2 same-sex partners. In my ideal world, all couple alike will be able to join hands and be able to raise families and live like everyone else. I dont think they're any less capable or should be denied the right to have children. I don't think they should not have the legal rights that opposite-sex marriages have. But i just needed to clarify that the actual definition of marriage lies between a man and a woman. Bush needs to clarify things, but he probably wont because he's a moronic fool. Could we call legal marriage? No that sounds stupid. I dont know. You all know that i'm not a biggoted homophobic catholic as many of you misinformed people think of Catholics, so i hope you understood what I was trying to say between my rambling. I just needed to put in my 2 cents and didnt want to make a "page 3" on blairzbziye's lj. God i hope i got my point across without offending anyone. much love.

martita

Did I mention that pinkneonchick, poprox122 and crybaby14 are driving to and from Boston within the next 24 hours to see Geri Haliwell?! Yeah, we are. She's speaking at Harvard tonight and we're getting ready to hit the road in about a half hour. Life is good. It's so good.

Its been quite a day. I woke up feeling disgusting. A was freezing.. yet sweating. My glands were swollen. fuck. i was getting sick. i showered and hoped that i would feel better but i didnt. I went back to bed. I felt so yucky. Ew. I went to lunch with the gang and headed out to studio. Freakin Daryl tapped me on the shoulder and told me to volunteer myself.. and Randi saw and called on me. Ack. I wasn't mentally prepared!! or warmed up for that matter. I sang the Schumann. It was "ehhh". Oh well. I just felt like an ass because it was the first time the studio had heard me all semester and it wasnt up to par at all. Better luck next time. Finished my aural theory homework and went back for my lesson. That kicked as ass. We got a lot of work done on 2 of my newest pieces. I'm excited for my jury! She pointed out that I say "like" a lot. It made me real self concious. She said it sounds so unprofessional, which it does. eek. i better work on that.

American Idol rocked it tonight. I voted for #1,5, 7 and 8. Im a tool. I know but i couldnt pick! i had a good helping of boggle and now i'm about to go to bed.

"Today, I call upon the Congress to promptly pass and to send to the states for ratification an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of a man and woman as husband and wife."

President George W. Bush
February 24, 2004

asshole

ok. NOW im going to bed. much love.

Martita

( interesting.. )